The Single Term
One roll. Try it once, like a one-term president.
$10
1 roll
The Trump Edition · Now shipping worldwide
He's shat on you.
Now it's your turn.
Premium 3-ply toilet roll with his face on every sheet. Finally, a use for him.
Pick your pack.
Every roll is soft, strong and 100% recyclable. Unlike his promises.
The Family Pack
Four rolls. One for every indictment season.
$19.95
4 rolls · $4.99 per roll
The Supreme Court
Nine rolls. A full bench, appointed for life.
$29.95
9 rolls · $3.33 per roll
Shipping from $5, charged once per order whatever its size. Showing prices for the United States.
Why Scatological
Express yourself in the
most democratic way.
No polling station. No queue. No electoral college. Just you, a quiet moment, and the satisfaction of putting him exactly where he belongs.
Premium 3-ply
The best paper. Tremendous paper.
Quilted, soft and strong enough to handle whatever the last few years left behind.
His face on every sheet
Look him in the eye. Then do what you've got to do.
Toilet roll that makes a high-fibre diet even more of a worthwhile choice.
Discreet delivery
Plain box. Loud message.
Nothing on the outside gives it away. What happens in your bathroom stays in your bathroom.
Ships worldwide
Global relief, one roll at a time.
He's made the whole world feel it. So we deliver to the whole world, for one flat fee.
The perfect gift
For the friend who has everything except closure.
Birthdays, secret Santa, or the morning after an election. Stack it, gift it, flush it.
Relief for every generation.
Left, right, young, old. It turns out nearly everyone has something to get off their chest.
Illustrative images. Models are not real customers.
He shat on democracy.
Now shit on him.
A very incomplete record, in no particular order. Every line is a matter of public record.
Corrupt.Unhinged.Narcissistic.Tyrant.
- 2018Separated thousands of migrant children from their parents at the border.
- 2025Sent the National Guard into Los Angeles against the governor's wishes, then into Washington DC.
- 2002Called Jeffrey Epstein a "terrific guy" who "likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side."
- 2016Was recorded bragging that famous men can grab women "by the pussy".
- 2020Told the far-right Proud Boys to "stand back and stand by" during a presidential debate.
- 2024Told a TV debate watched by 67 million people that migrants were "eating the dogs".
- 2025Posted an AI picture of himself dressed as the Pope.
- 2025Proposed that the US "take over" Gaza, move its people out and turn it into "the Riviera of the Middle East".
- 2020Said Covid would "disappear" one day, "like a miracle".
- 2025Threw himself a military parade on his 79th birthday.
- 2025Announced "Liberation Day" tariffs that wiped trillions of dollars off stock markets in two days.
- 2019Ordered to pay $2 million after a court found he misused his own charity, the Trump Foundation, which was shut down.
- 2025Launched a gold "Trump Mobile" phone first billed as "made in the USA". The claim quietly disappeared.
- 2017Insisted his inauguration crowd was the biggest ever, despite the photos.
- 2025Sent about 240 Venezuelans to a Salvadoran mega-prison. More than half had no criminal conviction or charge anywhere.Cato Institute
- 2025Pulled the US out of the World Health Organization and the Paris climate agreement.
- 2025Promised cheaper groceries. Two months in, eggs hit a record $6.23 a dozen.
- 2025Pardoned Binance founder Changpeng Zhao, who had pleaded guilty to money-laundering failures.
- 2025Demanded $230 million in compensation from his own Justice Department.
- 2007Sold Trump Steaks through The Sharper Image, a gadget shop.
- 2018Paid $25 million to settle fraud claims from students of Trump University.
- 2018Stood beside Putin in Helsinki and took his word over America's own intelligence agencies.
- 2025Fired the Kennedy Center's board, made himself chairman, then had his handpicked board rename it the "Trump Kennedy Center", even though Congress named it by law as a memorial to JFK.
- 2025Had his $300 million ballroom paid for by corporate donors, including defence contractors and tech giants with business before his government.
- 2017Said there were "very fine people on both sides" after a neo-Nazi rally in Charlottesville.
- 2018Called African nations and Haiti "shithole countries".
- 2025Berated Zelensky in the Oval Office, called him a "dictator", then paused US weapons and intelligence for Ukraine.
- 2023Charged with hoarding classified documents at Mar-a-Lago, some of them stored in a bathroom. A judge he appointed threw the case out, and prosecutors gave up after he won the election.
- 2025Rebranded the Department of Defense the "Department of War".
- 2020Paid $750 in federal income tax in 2016 and again in 2017.The New York Times
- 2021Became the only president impeached twice, the second time for incitement of insurrection after the 6 January attack on the Capitol.
- 2025Rolled out a red carpet for Putin in Alaska and came home with no ceasefire.
- 2023Found liable by a jury for sexually abusing and defaming E. Jean Carroll. The Supreme Court turned down his appeal in 2026.
- 2025Kept arming Israel while a UN commission of inquiry concluded it was committing genocide in Gaza, and named arms suppliers, including the US, as complicit.
- 2024–25Sued TV networks until they paid up: $15 million from ABC, $16 million from Paramount.
- 2020Suggested injecting disinfectant as a possible treatment for Covid.
- 2017Threw paper towels into a crowd in Puerto Rico after a deadly hurricane.
- 2025Told pregnant women "don't take Tylenol", linking it to autism without good evidence.
- 2017Looked straight at a solar eclipse without eye protection.
- 2025Sanctioned judges of the International Criminal Court for pursuing Israeli leaders.
- 2023Said immigrants were "poisoning the blood of our country".
- 2026Watched the national debt pass $40 trillion.
- 2025Immigration sweeps detained more than 170 US citizens in nine months.ProPublica
- 2021Claimed the 2020 election was stolen and lost more than 60 court cases trying to prove it.
- 2026Took the US to war with Iran in February. Asked about his "no new wars" pledge, he said: "I didn't guarantee no war."
- 2016Claimed millions of people voted illegally to explain losing the popular vote.
- 2025Fired the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics after a weak jobs report.
- 2022Sold digital trading cards of himself as a superhero, an astronaut and a cowboy.
- 2005Boasted on the radio that he could walk into beauty pageant dressing rooms because he owned the show.
- 2019Altered an official hurricane map with a Sharpie to back up a false claim about Alabama.
- 2017Tweeted "covfefe". Nobody has ever found out what it meant.
- 2025Called the Epstein files a "hoax", then signed the law forcing their release after his own party turned on him.
- 2019Claimed the noise from wind turbines causes cancer.
- 2025Deported Kilmar Abrego Garcia, who had legal protection from deportation, to a notorious Salvadoran prison. His own officials admitted it was an "administrative error".
- 2017Banned travel from several Muslim-majority countries in his first week in office.
- 2020Said of Ghislaine Maxwell, arrested for trafficking girls for Epstein: "I just wish her well, frankly."
- 2025Pardoned or freed around 1,500 people charged over the Capitol attack, on his first day back in office.
- 2025Had the US vote alongside Russia and North Korea against a UN resolution condemning Russia's invasion of Ukraine.
- 2023Became the first president to have a police mugshot taken, then sold it on T-shirts.
- 2025Posted an AI video of a "Trump Gaza" resort, complete with a giant golden statue of himself.
- 2017Fired FBI director James Comey, then told Russian officials in the Oval Office it had taken off "great pressure".
- 2025Started selling a $1 million "Gold Card" for rich foreigners who want to live in America.
- 2024Convicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to hide a hush-money payment.Appeal ongoing
- 2025Freed disgraced congressman George Santos from prison.
- 2026Shared footage of a British man being mauled to death by a tiger, captioned "Don't ever mess with nature!"
- 2026Sent diesel to its highest price in US history, $5.85 a gallon, with his Iran war. Everything that travels by truck got pricier.
- 2026Said he was "glad" when former FBI director Robert Mueller died.
- 2025His team planned airstrikes in a group chat that accidentally included a journalist. His defence secretary kept his job.
- 2025Posted an AI video of himself in a crown, flying a jet that dumps sewage on "No Kings" protesters. Takes one to know one.
- 2015Mocked a disabled reporter at a campaign rally.
- 2025Promised his ballroom "won't interfere with the current building". Then he bulldozed the entire East Wing of the White House to make room for it.
- 2025Renamed the Gulf of Mexico the "Gulf of America".
- 2025Told a female reporter asking about Epstein: "Quiet, piggy."
- 1991–2009Took his companies through six bankruptcies, mostly casinos. Who loses money running a casino?
- 2024Sold "God Bless the USA" Bibles for $59.99.
- 2025Promised to release the Epstein files. His Justice Department then announced there was no "client list", and Ghislaine Maxwell was moved to a minimum-security prison camp after meeting his deputy attorney general.
- 2025Sent masked immigration agents to grab people outside schools, courthouses and Home Depot car parks.
- 2020Told a rally he had asked officials to "slow the testing down" because it found too many Covid cases.
- 2020Called fallen American soldiers "losers" and "suckers", according to his own former chief of staff.
- 2025Turned America's closest neighbour against it with tariffs and "51st state" taunts. Canadians cancelled trips and provinces pulled American booze off the shelves.
- 2025Accepted a luxury Boeing 747 from Qatar's royal family to use as Air Force One.
- 2025Claimed to have ended eight wars in eight months. Fact-checkers found several were short ceasefires, one was never a war, and some fighting started again.
- 2026Warned that Iran's "whole civilization will die tonight" unless it made a deal.
- 2017–21Made 30,573 false or misleading claims in his first term.The Washington Post Fact Checker
- 2025Launched his own $TRUMP meme coin, then hosted a dinner for its biggest buyers.
- 2026At least 57 people died in immigration custody in his first 19 months back.
- 2026Promised to bring prices down "starting on day one". During his Iran war, gas passed $4.50 a gallon, up from about $3.10 when he took office.
- 2026Pushed ahead with a 250-foot triumphal arch beside Arlington National Cemetery without asking Congress. Washington calls it the "Arc de Trump".
- 2025Called off trade talks with Canada over a TV ad that quoted Ronald Reagan on why tariffs are bad.
- 2026His immigration agents shot dead two US citizens in Minneapolis, Renée Good and ICU nurse Alex Pretti. His officials called Pretti "a would-be assassin". Videos show him holding a phone.
- 2019Held back military aid from Ukraine while asking Zelensky to dig up dirt on Joe Biden. It got him impeached the first time.
- 2026Campaigned as the president of "no new wars". In January he bombed Venezuela and seized its president, without asking Congress.
- 2021Phoned Georgia's top election official and asked him to "find 11,780 votes".
- 2016Had porn star Stormy Daniels paid $130,000 to stay quiet before the election.
- 2018Said of the Saudi crown prince after journalist Jamal Khashoggi was murdered and dismembered: "Maybe he did and maybe he didn't."
- 2025Refused to rule out military force to take Greenland, and kept calling Canada "the 51st state".
- 2022Claimed election fraud allowed "the termination of all rules", "even those found in the Constitution".
- 2025Shut down USAID, the agency that ran most of America's foreign aid.
- 2025Presided over the longest government shutdown in US history: 43 days.
- 2019Told four congresswomen of color, three of them born in America, to "go back" to the countries they came from.
Showing 10 of 100
Three steps to sweet relief.
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Choose your pack
One roll to try, four to share, or nine for a full term.
2
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3
Cast your vote
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Questions. Answered.
Is it actually usable toilet paper?
Yes. It's real 3-ply toilet tissue printed with skin-safe, water-based ink. It flushes and breaks down like any standard roll.
Do you ship outside the US?
We ship worldwide. Prices show in US dollars, pounds or euros depending on where you're browsing from, and shipping is charged once per order, whatever its size.
How long does delivery take?
We aim to send orders same day, but shipping times vary depending on location, and we do sometimes run out of stock, so please allow 28 days for delivery.
Is the packaging discreet?
Orders ship in a plain box with no slogans on the outside.
Is this official merchandise?
No. This is a parody product made for political satire. It isn't affiliated with, endorsed by or connected to Donald J. Trump or any political party or campaign.
How do I get in touch?
Email [email protected] and a real human will reply.
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